Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
