He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
