He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
