WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
