I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
