Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
