have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
