eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
