these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
