sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
