playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
