come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
