he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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