Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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