So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
