that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
