It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
