I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
