I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
