I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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