I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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