He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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