Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
