Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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