saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
