My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
