I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
