ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
