come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
