We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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