i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
