Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
