Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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