Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
