So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
