i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
