so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
