Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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