Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He passed out mid-signature
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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