May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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