arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
