There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
