I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
