Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
