every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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