that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
