Betty ford says i'm here all night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
