you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
