i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I did not marry a roomba.
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