OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
