Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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