My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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