My first STD was from a foam party
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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